Well it's been awhile since I've posted anything, so I felt the need to let you all know how things are going. So far, it's been a summer filled with up's and down's. It's always hard coming back home and getting used to a completely different schedule for awhile. It was definitely needed, but it just has taken some getting used to. Many of you know that this past year has been harder than most, especially with missing my dad, and the struggles have continued into the summer. Towards the end of the school year, I had realized that I no longer needed to try to hard to hide my tears and always act like everything's okay, so all my emotions I should've had 3.5 years ago are coming now instead. It's definitely been challenging for me because I used to not be an emotional person at all before college...now I have to get used to being that stereotypical emotional girl! It's really difficult! All of these emotions have led to my relationship with God being a crazy rollercoaster. I haven't felt as close to Him as I'm used to up until a couple days ago, which had really left me frustrated. I have never doubted that God loves and cares for me and I will always believe in Him...it wasn't that, but rather a frustration that came from not knowing how to create that passion in my heart for Him again.
In the past few days, I have been praying more often that God would help me to find that passion for Him once again because I really miss that a lot and have felt like I'm going through the motions with my faith. I want to be more intentional with my conversations with people and mention God more often because that's the way it should be! I always forget that I'm on this earth to spread God's word, not for my own well-being. It's so hard to remember for me. A couple nights ago, when I was having a bad night, Will had told me to go and have a heart-to-heart with God under the stars because I love stars a lot =) I decided that was a great idea and God gave me lightning instead of stars, which was just as awesome. At first, I was trying to come up with what I should pray for and what I should talk about to Him, but then I realized that I don't always have to fill my time with God with words. I can listen, too, and cry and just enjoy being in the beautiful nature He created for us. After awhile, I felt much better and very refreshed.
That's the one crazy thing that I love about God among many things...God is so incredibly patient with us and is always waiting. This may sound strange, but we have a devotional in our bathroom called "God's Calling" and for awhile, I would stare at the picture everyday on the front...it was of God's hands reaching towards us. Then after visiting the cemetery the other day, the same type of picture was on my Dad's stone. God's hand reaching down to us. God never leaves us...we may feel like He's not with us sometimes and we may feel alone, but really, He's just waiting with open arms for us to come running back to Him, back to our first love. For me, I know it will take time, but I know that God will always be there and I don't need to feel alone. God is forever patient...
