My Testimony

Here is my testimony  =)

Okay, so I always grew up in a Christian home with a Christian family. We always went to church, no matter what and were all very involved. I was always the goody-goody type and barely every did anything wrong. Then when I was in second grade, I was at my great-grandma's funeral and my cousins and I had been running back and forth from the cemetary, back to the church, and so on. Well, while at the cemetary, we had seen a gardener snake and freaked out and decided to all run across the road back to the church. My 10 year old cousin, Jessalyn, didn't make it back. She got hit by a car on the way over...this car was going 55 mph at least. I remember, as an 8-year-old, seeing this. It's pretty much burned in my brain. Seeing my own cousin get hit by a car...flips and everything. The littlest details like her shoe flying off and the flower she had been holding was now pressed against the road. For goodness sakes, I was 8! That's so young now that I think about it. It didn't phase me a ton at the time; I didn't even cry. But that night, after hearing that she had passed away, I cried and cried to my Mom. That night I accepted God into my heart. 

After that, I just kinda kept living the way I was living...which was still a goody-goody who went to bible schools and youth groups. I loved God, but I don't feel like I actually knew Him and leaned on Him. He was just there for me...nothing terribly personal. Then the summer after my sophomore year, during supper, I heard awful news from my parents. My sister and her husband were getting a divorce. This was so devastating to me! I had known my brother-in-law for around 10 years and he was like a brother to me. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I ran outside and rode my bike around my yard for a very long time...just crying. I felt like everything was falling apart. 

Then, during my junior year, around September I believe, I came home to see my mom and my nieces and nephews playing outside. I thought this was strange because I had no idea why they were at my house. Well it turns out they were going to stay at my house for a very long time because of personal reasons. They ended up staying for either almost 2 or 3 months. I can't remember, but i know it was for a very long time. That was difficult having a 2, 3, and 4 year old in the house while also trying to live a normal life. 

Then the end of my junior year, I believe it was in March, my family learned that my dad had bile duct cancer. This was a kind of cancer that was not curable, but yet I still had hope. I couldn't even think about my dad not being there...nothing bad ever happened like that and it wasn't going to happen to me. That was my thought process at the time. Well things kept getting worse and things were not looking good. He had to miss several track meets because he couldn't be around people and when he did come, he'd have to sit in the very corner of the bleachers because he couldn't be around germs of any kind. I tried to keep everything as normal as possible at home and just kept living my normal life. Things continued to get worse. He wasn't able to go to my senior year coronation because he had just gotten back from the hospital. I felt like that's where he always was...the hospital. I remember the first time my sister, Jenny, Jon, and I went in the hospital for the first time. We almost all fainted/threw up. I don't like hospitals after this. But ya, he was so devastated that he couldn't go and so sad that he had to miss out on all of my concerts and my memories of my senior year. Then I was at a church bonfire thing one Sunday night and receive a text from my sister-in-law, Shelly, saying that my dad was in the comfort house because he was in a lot of pain. My heart dropped....I asked her if he was going to be ok and she said yes. They were just helping him with his pain. So I go home and the next day, which was a Monday, my sister Jenny and I go and visit him. We decided to get out of school early and then we'd go back after that. So we get there and meet up with my mom and Krista. We all go into his room together and could not believe what we were seeing. Here was a man in the chair, laying limp, sleeping...this was my dad. He wasn't opening his eyes...all he was doing was breathing very heavily, looking as if he was in pain. We all started bawling. We didn't stop bawling for about an hour. I could not believe how much he had changed in just one day! I could not believe this was actually happening. Me and Jenny decided to head back to school, which was a BAD decision because I cried right when I saw my friends. (sorry this is really long lol). But ya we decided we were going to head back up there after school. I wasn't going to because I had a paper and dance practice, but decided I would bring Jenny up and then leave soon after. So I bring her up and we all decide to go out for supper and Wal-Mart. When we get back, my mom tells us that we don't have very long. My dad was starting to get spots on his skin which is a sign that it's almost time. I bawled instantly. It was so so soon! So...I had to say my last good-bye to my daddy. It was filled with tears and reassurance that everything was going to be fine. He didn't have to worry about us. That was THE hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. EVER. The remainder of the night was filled with happy memories and puzzle-making with my whole family. We didn't focus on the fact that we were in a comfort house, but were reminising about my dad instead and all of the funny and amazing memories we've had together. Finally after a long night of tears, me, Jenny, and Krista decided to head home to sleep and we would be back in the morning. We go home to sleep and were awakened by a phone call around 6:00 am. It was my mom. My dad had passed away. We all sat on my bed crying and holding each other. I couldn't believe my dad was actually gone and that I would never ever see him again. It was the weirdest feeling I've ever had in my life. The rest of the day was spent with family and closest friends. The weird thing is that was one of the happiest days of my life. It was a beautiful sunshine filled day filled with laughter and peace =) My dad was no longer in pain and he was now in Heaven doing what he loved! It was such a relief for us! Our house for the previous 7 months had been filled with sadness and quiet. Now there was joy!! We thanked God for all the blessings that we had! I am so blessed to have such a God-loving family because our family was unlike any other family. Even the person at the funeral home said that. He knew we had Jesus in our hearts =) 

Of course there's been ups and downs for the past year, but I thank God that He has left my family with peace. We have grown closer and have truly been blessed beyond reason. I have learned my community is amazing, my friends are true, and my family is the best family in the world. We can make it through anything. These experiences have only made me stronger. Now yes, I've had minor problems the past year, whether it's boys or friends or stress, but I thank the Lord that He hasn't placed anything huge on our family's life lately. I praise Him so much for that!!! Now I have learned to use my experiences to help others who have lost family members. I have done my best to do that and have had several opportunities to, unfortunately. But helping others is something I'm passionate about. 

This year, I have learned a lot and my faith has strengthened. I have learned that God is always there, He's forgiving, He's loving always, and He is the only thing I truly need in my life =) He knows my future and I am excited for Him to reveal it to me day by day. He is my best friend who listens no matter what. I make mistakes, I'm not perfect. I realize this, but God loves me no matter what =) Now, you may say that I've been through a lot and yes, I have, but I feel like one of the most blessed people in this world =) 

Well if you read this, I'm sorry it was so dang long, but people have always said that you can get to know a person more by hearing their life and testimony. So there ya go...that's me for ya ;)

Wonderful day

So I had another wonderful day today =) The sunshine was out and again, I felt content with my life. I love this new feeling! Me and my two girlies went out to Red Rock this afternoon and just chatted about life =) How we love doing this so very much. It makes me even more excited about the future!!! I can't wait! But this is also making the present better, too...because I need to live in the present, not just the future, even though that's hard sometimes too lol. I am so glad that God has placed such amazing people in my life...seriously. They are all awesome.

Also in my religion class today, we were going through 1 Peter and I found this verse, which I really like a lot!

"And after you suffer for a short time, God, who gives all grace, will make everything right. He will make you strong and support you and keep you from falling. He called you to share in his glory in Christ, a glory that will continue forever" 1 Peter 5:10

I really thought this verse was neat! We all suffer...I know I have had my share of sufferings. But I have definitely learned that God has placed each one of these sufferings in my life for a specific reason. I have grown so much stronger in Him and know that He will never leave my side, no matter what. So I just thought of a cool idea...I'm going to write my testimony on here. But in a different post...it'll be a long one lol.

So Thankful!! =)

So tonight at Monday Night Prayer, we all had to write down a list of what we were thankful for and also a prayer for a friend. As I was writing down what I was thankful for, there was such a long list of things that it was crazy-awesome =) Then we all held hands and prayed in a circle, while saying things we were thankful for. There was so many things that people said! We are so blessed to have the things we do. Like for me, I have AMAZING friends and such a fantastic family. We have so much, but yet are never satisfied with anything. We're always wanting more or wanting something "better" or "cooler". Why can't we see that we're blessed beyond reason already?!

Also, I'm very thankful tonight because for once in this semester, I feel CONTENT and STRESS-FREE!! I am loving it so so so much. I never feel content with my life, so this is new to me! =) I love it. I feel very patient right now and I feel like I know that God has a better plan for me and I am just dying to know what it is, but will be patient until He shows me =) Ya Jesus! Woot!! Also, I love my friends. They are super-fantastic.

Well that was a short one, but let's just say God is awesome and I am so blessed! =)
Nite!

How Wide...How Deep...How Great...is Your love for me

"Where God's love is, there is no fear, because God's perfect love drives out fear. It is punishment that makes a person fear, so love is not made perfect in the person who fears." ~ 1 John 4:18

This verse was one of the main themes that Joe preached at the Calm tonight. I've actually never heard this verse before, so I thought it was pretty cool. The whole time, he preached about how we should not fear about the future...things like a job, home to live in, money, or love. He was speaking mainly to the seniors, but I definitely found that it applied to me as well. As I said in previous posts, I worry about the future ALL the time. Now, I don't really worry about a home to live in or money, but I kind of have been worrying about a job for the summer and have definitely been worrying about "love". Not really love yet, but just boys in general ;) I have been trying my hardest to not worry about situations, and I think I may be getting better...very very slowly, but I tried stopping myself from worrying tonight (thank you Allison for telling me what's up! lol). Allison's good with telling me how it is =) But ya, it's going to take some time for me to not worry so much, but I think if I keep praying about it and putting my trust in God, rather than worldly desires, it CAN happen! Nothing is impossible with God, am I right?! Need to keep remembering this.

Now, back to the verse...Joe was talking about how we need to love God so much that we don't have time to worry or be scared. I realized I am nowhere near this in love with God, but I need to be!! I hate admitting that, but it's definitely true! It's true for all of us! I do love God SO much, don't get me wrong, but I could love Him so much more! Love involves trust...and I'm not there yet fully because I do worry so much. I want to be there though! I really do =) Man, my life would be so much simpler and less stressful if I wouldn't worry about stuff. I wanna go with the flow (which I've said 7 billion times this semester and it never works), but hey, I can always start over and try again! I'm not perfect. It'll take some getting used to =) I'll just have Allison smack me upside the head if I forget....hehe. (Just kidding Allison, don't smack me...but you can tell me what's up lol).

K well that's my schpeal (fun word) for the night. Nighty night y'all

The Simple Things...and other cool things

Yesterday was so amazing!! First I got to ride in an amazing 2010 Orange Camaro with Kaid and Kara. Holy cow, it was sweet!! It is my dream car, so I kind of freaked out a little bit when I got to ride in it =) Then I went to the prom walk-in and got drenched with rain...but the drench'edness (hahaha) did NOT stop there. We decided we were going to go to Nathan's house and go mudding...in the pouring rain. It was SO much fun! We had me, Nathan, Betsy, and Jamie on one four-wheeler and Josh, Kara, and Tasha on the other. We went flying through huge puddles and it was awesome! We were soaked! Then Nathan decided he was going to sit on the front of the four-wheeler while Tasha drove...it was amazing. Wow...one of the best nights in my entire life =)

This is why I say simple things are the best times in my life. The littlest things in my life make the biggest memories. I love the country life doing fun things like this with the people I love. There are so many more memories to be made with my best friends and I cannot wait!

Also, today I went to Federated for church and I thought part of it was really cool because I noticed a lot of different kinds of people went there....not just the "churchy" looking type; there were people who had dyed hair, unique clothing, and all sorts of stuff! I thought that was really neat that the church was so welcoming. I notice that I even judged some people when I walked in, which is not acceptable. We are all God's children and He loves ALL of us, not just the conservative dressed people. I don't know...I just thought that was really neat. I still like going to 3rd better, but this was really cool how they welcomed everyone in and showed them that they don't have to look a certain way to have God's love. He loves everyone, no matter what. As Joe Brummel says, "There is nothing you can do to make God love you more or less." I love this quote. I never thought about this until coming here to Central. I always thought that, for some reason, you have to try to impress God to make Him love you. But that's totally wrong!! God loves us no matter what! It's so hard for me to comprehend His love...it confuses me a lot of times of how He can love us that much. But that's why it's so awesome, too! Woot!

Okay, no off to "less" important things: homework. Yay for me :P Toodles

Before mudding

Drake took an awesome picture of me ;)

After mudding!

It was amazing

What Tomorrow Brings...

So...I am constantly thinking about my future. It excites me really, but I find that I get stuck in the past a lot of times and end up making up fake situations that could "happen" (ya right) in the future. Now, I do this all the time! I was just doing this when I got home from hanging out with friends in Sully tonight. I wish I could just forget the past and move on to new things in life, but I find myself holding on really tightly to things that I want to happen, but probably won't. I think the reason why I hold onto things so much is because I'm secretly hoping that everything I want to happen will somehow magically work out. Why do I spend my time fantasizing about what could happen in the future if God already has it planned out? I ask myself a lot and I really don't have the answer. It's like I can't fully wrap my head around the fact that God has so much more of an awesome future for me than what I have thought up in my head.

Now, I always am thinking about what my future will look like. It usually includes these things:

• Living in the country
• Have an amazing husband who is a strong Christian 
• Have a few kids
• Live the simple life
• Do fun things like four-wheel and just country-type stuff =)
• Be a stay-at-home mom 
• Live in a small, close-knit community, like Sully

Now I think this sounds absolutely amazing. It's crazy how much living around the Sully area has affected me so much these past couple years. I used to want to leave home so badly for college and now that I'm here, I miss Sully so so SO much! I love how everyone knows everyone (besides the gossip lol). I love how safe I feel there and how everyone cares about everyone. I have such a strong community that supports me no matter what I do. I am so thankful that I was brought up going to the school that I went to. I can't imagine how I would be like if I went somewhere else.

But ya, as I said before, it's hard for me to picture such a more amazing future than the future I have planned out for myself. I think I know who I want to be married to and where I want to live, but God has the floor here, not me. Heck, He probably is going to blow me out of the water with the guy he chooses for me to marry =) And how very much EXCITED and CURIOUS I am for that day when I finally get to meet him!! Or who knows, maybe I already know him or have known him for awhile. Who knows...God has some pretty cool tricks up His sleeve, I bet ;) Just need to remember my favorite verse...Jeremiah 29:11.

What a Super Night =)

Okay, so I realize this is my fourth post of the day...but hey, that's totally fine with me =) Tonight was so much fun! First of all, one of my friends got baptized in the fountain outside of the library tonight. So incredibly amazing to watch. I could totally tell how in love with Jesus she was. Then me and Allison got a sweet room for next year! We have been very hyper since then lol ;) Then we got to make a time capsule with our floor...each one for ourselves. Then we put whatever we want in it and get to open it on our graduation day. Mine is pretty sweet. Then we danced to Michael Jackson in the hallway. We pretty much rocked out hardcore!

This night pretty much made me realize how awesome the people here at Central are and how lucky I am to be here. Sometimes I take this place for granted because I'm either homesick, frustrated with the fact I don't know what my major is, or just am sick of Pella, but Central rocks overall =) It's hard to remember that sometimes, but nights like these make me know that I am here for a reason. Even when I'm sick and tired of doing homework and waking up "early" for classes, I still love it here! I am ready for summer, of course, but will definitely miss my friends here. It's just time for a change...to not be the freshman anymore, but sophomores! I can't wait for the freshman to come next year! I am hoping I can get to know a lot of them and make a lot of new friendships =)

I have learned to be thankful for the little things in my life this year. Just the simple things like nice weather and the change of the season. I am so thankful that God has given me this opportunity to be here and explore who I am as a person. Whenever I think I want to drop out of college (which is often lol), I just need to remember why I'm here and remember all the amazing nights, like tonight, that I've had while being here.

Woot! Okay...that's the absolute last post for today. I'm already addicted to blogging...is that a bad thing? Lol. Nahhhhhh. K night!

Summer Bucket List...

My friends, Tasha and Kara, and I have decided to make a bucket list for this summer. I might add some things ;)

• Fly a kite
• Have a picnic...with a red and white checkered blanket and old-fashioned picnic basket =)
• Go mudding
• Go tenting
• Sleep under the stars

...to be continued

The famous bucket list =)

Okay, my friend, Tasha, did one of these on her profile, so I'm going to be a copy-cat =) I will be continuing to add things to this list.

• Go to Switzerland
• Go to the ocean
• Go bungee jumping
• Go sky-diving
• Get married
• Have a family
• Shoot a gun
• Learn how to play guitar
• Have my very own garden

Troubles produce patience....

"We also have joy with our troubles, because we know that these troubles produce patience. And patience produces character, and character produces hope. And this hope will never disappoint us, because God has poured out his love to fill our hearts" ~ Romans 5:3-5

Now, I've have always had a hard time with the word "patience". It's such a small word, but yet such a complex idea. Even when I was younger, I always liked having my way and having it now. I was the girl who would fight with her family over whether "Oglaina" was a name in Scattegories. If only I could go back to those days when that was the most tragic part of my day...losing a point in Scattegories! I'm finishing up my freshman year in college and I have never had so much stress in my life until this year. I worry about the littlest things and it feels as if nothing ever goes my way. I came upon this verse in Romans today and it applies with my life so much! I always feel like I have to have everything figured out all the time, when really I can just give all my cares and worries to God. It's so hard for me not to know what my future looks like or who I'm going to marry or what my major will be. I have been slowly realizing that I need to just give all my worries to God and trust that He has an amazing future for me...better than anything I can ever imagine.

I have had several troubles in my life the past couple years, whether it's losing a loved one or just the normal boy troubles and confusion. God has never left my side. I read a section in the book "Crazy Love" last semester and it said this: "Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives." When I read that, I knew it was talking straight to me. I've kept this quote on my desk everyday and look at it often. I am one of the biggest worriers EVER and this helps me a lot. God already knows my future, so why worry?! Worrying gets nothing accomplished and it stresses us out, so why do we all feel the need to keep worrying all the time?! It just sounds ridiculous if you think about it.

Over these next few weeks of the end of the semester, my goal will be to STOP WORRYING and let God handle everything. I'm going to let him handle my many boy problems, friend worries, school stress, and loneliness. We're all a broken people...but you know what, that's OKAY! No one is perfect. As my friend, Kris, says to me, "You're broken". It's okay to lose it sometimes. It's okay to show emotion. God is bigger than any of my problems, so he can handle it ;)

Well I feel like that blog was all over the place, but hey, that's okay ;)