Control by JJ Heller
I just heard this song yesterday for the first time. I never really knew what JJ Heller had sang, but I've heard the name. I was listening to the radio yesterday and she was a guest on the radio station, so I decided to look up these lyrics of the song she was singing (since I'm addicted to looking up lyrics now) and I really liked them a lot...
The cut is deep, but never deep enough for me
It doesn’t hurt enough to make me forget
One moment of relief is never long enough
To keep the voices in my head from stealing my peace
Oh, control
It’s time, time to let you go
Perfection has a price, but I cannot afford to live that life
It always ends the same; a fight I never win
Chorus
I’m letting go of the illusion
I’m letting go of the confusion
I can’t carry it another step
I close my eyes and take a breath
I’m letting go …
There were scars before my scars
Love written on the hands that hung the stars
Hope living in the blood that was spilled for me
It's always really hard to not want to control your own life because we think that it's OUR life....but really, it's not our life; it's God's. God created us and brought us into this world. We are the clay and Jesus is the potter: "But Lord, You are our Father. We are like clay, and You are the potter; Your hands made us all." (Isaiah 64:8). It's so difficult to realize that God has a plan for each of our lives. He knows what is going to happen. Jeremiah 29:11 has always brought me through the tough times in my life because it reminds me that I don't have to worry about the future. God has a plan for all of us; a plan to prosper us and not to harm us; a plan to bring us hope and a future. All these trials we are going through now are only to prepare us for the future God has already planned. I feel like God has been trying to help me with knowing He has a plan for years now. Even though it's been a slow process, He's still not giving up on me.
So start to say "I'm letting go" because God has a handle on everything. Francesca Battistelli also has a song about letting go...
This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace
The fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone
I'm letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing control
Of my destiny
Feels like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe
So I'm letting go
Like she says, it is beyond our comfort zone to have faith in God and allow Him to take control. So right now, for me, I'm working on "letting go".....
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Comfort
I remembered how much I love these lyrics from the song "Times" by Tenth Avenue North...
"My love is over. It's underneath.
It's inside. It's in between.
The times you doubt Me, when you can't feel.
The times that you question, 'Is this for real?'
The times you're broken.
The times that you mend.
The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.
Well, My love is over, it's underneath.
It's inside, it's in between.
These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks.
The times that you feel like you're falling from grace.
The times you're hurting.
The times that you heal.
The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.
The times of confusion, in chaos and pain.
I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.
I'm there through your heartache.
I'm there in the storm.
My love I will keep you, by My pow'r alone.
I don't care where you fall, where you have been.
I'll never forsake you, My love never ends.
It never ends."
These lyrics are so incredibly powerful. It speaks volumes for me and for everyone, I'm sure. There are so many times when we doubt God and fall away from Him without even realizing it. When a tough time comes into our lives, it's difficult to go straight to God instead of going and talking to a friend. I've realized that this past year...I will sometimes go to a friend to talk rather than praying and talking to God about the situation. I am learning that God needs to be the first one I talk to.
Some of these lyrics I definitely find stronger than others for me...
"The times you're broken.
The times that you mend.
The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.
Well, My love is over, it's underneath.
It's inside, it's in between."
Pretty much, God will never leave our side when we're at our extremes, whether that be broken or healed. Even if we feel like God is not with us, His love is actually surrounding us and IN us!
"These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks.
The times that you feel like you're falling from grace.
The times you're hurting.
The times that you heal."
At Third Reformed Church last week, we talked about comfort. The pastor was talking about Heaven and how we have that to look forward to. It was amazing to think about. He was talking about this little boy, who had been 4-years-old and had been to Heaven after almost passing away when he was little. This boy was describing so many details that he would have never known unless he was in Heaven. It was amazing! Then he asked us how we feel about that after he asked us and I say it's incredible! I felt so happy just thinking about that! I get to spend eternity with my Heavenly Father! Wow. It's beyond words. I get to see my dad once again, my great-grandma, my cousin...it's just so awesome to think about! Those of you who know me know that I'm completely random...and you're probably wondering why I decided to write this after I posted those specific lyrics. It's because when I am hurting, I think of these thoughts. When I'm sad about my dad, I think of seeing him again in Heaven; when I'm
confused about the future, I think about God knowing the best for me and preparing me for what He has planned.
"The times of confusion, in chaos and pain.
I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.
I'm there through your heartache.
I'm there in the storm.
My love I will keep you, by My pow'r alone.
I don't care where you fall, where you have been.
I'll never forsake you, My love never ends."
I think these lyrics are by far my favorite. God has not forgotten about us...He only puts us in these times of trial because He loves us. They bring us closer to Him so we can see His power and grace. God is so magnificent and mighty. He's there with us every step of our lives. He knows our pain; He understands. He will never leave us and He will always love us.
I wish I could explain this better than what I'm writing, but really, it's too amazing for words. God is too amazing for words. Just thinking that when we are hurting and confused, God is sitting there right beside us, listening to our prayers, wiping our tears away. That is real comfort. I really pray that all of you can feel this comfort because it is truly amazing. Your hurt will most likely not go away completely, but just knowing that God is right beside you is comfort right there.
"My love is over. It's underneath.
It's inside. It's in between.
The times you doubt Me, when you can't feel.
The times that you question, 'Is this for real?'
The times you're broken.
The times that you mend.
The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.
Well, My love is over, it's underneath.
It's inside, it's in between.
These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks.
The times that you feel like you're falling from grace.
The times you're hurting.
The times that you heal.
The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.
The times of confusion, in chaos and pain.
I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.
I'm there through your heartache.
I'm there in the storm.
My love I will keep you, by My pow'r alone.
I don't care where you fall, where you have been.
I'll never forsake you, My love never ends.
It never ends."
These lyrics are so incredibly powerful. It speaks volumes for me and for everyone, I'm sure. There are so many times when we doubt God and fall away from Him without even realizing it. When a tough time comes into our lives, it's difficult to go straight to God instead of going and talking to a friend. I've realized that this past year...I will sometimes go to a friend to talk rather than praying and talking to God about the situation. I am learning that God needs to be the first one I talk to.
Some of these lyrics I definitely find stronger than others for me...
"The times you're broken.
The times that you mend.
The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.
Well, My love is over, it's underneath.
It's inside, it's in between."
Pretty much, God will never leave our side when we're at our extremes, whether that be broken or healed. Even if we feel like God is not with us, His love is actually surrounding us and IN us!
"These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks.
The times that you feel like you're falling from grace.
The times you're hurting.
The times that you heal."
At Third Reformed Church last week, we talked about comfort. The pastor was talking about Heaven and how we have that to look forward to. It was amazing to think about. He was talking about this little boy, who had been 4-years-old and had been to Heaven after almost passing away when he was little. This boy was describing so many details that he would have never known unless he was in Heaven. It was amazing! Then he asked us how we feel about that after he asked us and I say it's incredible! I felt so happy just thinking about that! I get to spend eternity with my Heavenly Father! Wow. It's beyond words. I get to see my dad once again, my great-grandma, my cousin...it's just so awesome to think about! Those of you who know me know that I'm completely random...and you're probably wondering why I decided to write this after I posted those specific lyrics. It's because when I am hurting, I think of these thoughts. When I'm sad about my dad, I think of seeing him again in Heaven; when I'm
confused about the future, I think about God knowing the best for me and preparing me for what He has planned.
"The times of confusion, in chaos and pain.
I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.
I'm there through your heartache.
I'm there in the storm.
My love I will keep you, by My pow'r alone.
I don't care where you fall, where you have been.
I'll never forsake you, My love never ends."
I think these lyrics are by far my favorite. God has not forgotten about us...He only puts us in these times of trial because He loves us. They bring us closer to Him so we can see His power and grace. God is so magnificent and mighty. He's there with us every step of our lives. He knows our pain; He understands. He will never leave us and He will always love us.
I wish I could explain this better than what I'm writing, but really, it's too amazing for words. God is too amazing for words. Just thinking that when we are hurting and confused, God is sitting there right beside us, listening to our prayers, wiping our tears away. That is real comfort. I really pray that all of you can feel this comfort because it is truly amazing. Your hurt will most likely not go away completely, but just knowing that God is right beside you is comfort right there.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
I love the book "Captivating" =)
So during the second semester, some of us girls had a Captivating book study. I got this book from Megan my senior year of high school and it never really applied to me until last year and this year, especially. It has SO many crazy awesome stuff in it. It is definitely my favorite book. From what's in this book, it sounds like I wrote it because it applies that much to me =) I just found some really good quotes/verses in it today (since I never finished reading it this year), so I thought I would post them and maybe they can bless someone else as much as it blessed me today =)
"Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her in so she cannot find her way. She will chase after her lovers, but not catch them; she will look for them, but not find them." Hosea 2:6-7
You're probably wondering why in the world I put this verse up as being inspiring. Well I have found this verse so incredibly true these past couple years. I have learned that life is NOT easy ever since my junior year. Sometimes I would ask why, but this verse explains it all. Sometimes, the things that make me happy block me from being close to God. I found another section of the book that explains it better....
"And so you will see the gentle, firm hand of God in a woman's life hemming her in. He'll make what once was a great job miserable, if it was in her career that she found shelter. He'll bring hardship into her marriage, even to the breaking point, if it was in marriage she sought her salvation. Wherever it is we have sought life apart from Him, He disrupts our plans, our "way of life" which is not life at all."
Again, this may sound harsh again, but we need to be focused on God and put Him in the middle of everything. I have found this extremely hard to do, but it's all a learning process for me. I slowly am getting better and it will be a life-long journey for me. I truly want God to be first in everything I do...any relationships, friendships, school work, jobs, family...everything. It's so hard for me to do that, but like I said, it's a learning process and God has been showing me that. I can be thankful for these hardships because I learn so much about myself and what God wants for me.
Here's another long part of a chapter I found super interesting. It's about forgiveness. I don't necessarily struggle with forgiving people very much, but I know a lot of people do struggle with that, so I thought I would post it so it could help someone else =)
"Forgiveness is a choice. It is not a feeling--don't try and feel forgiving. It is an act of the will. "Don't wait to forgive until you feel like forgiving," writes Neil Anderson. "You will never get there. Feelings take time to heal after the choice to forgive is made." We allow God to bring the hurt up from our past, for "if your forgiveness doesn't visit the emotional core of your life, it will be incomplete," said Anderson. We acknowledge that it hurt, that it mattered, and we choose to extend forgiveness to our fathers, our mothers, those who hurt us. This is not saying, "It didn't really matter"; it is not saying, "I probably deserved part of it anyway." Forgiveness says, "It was wrong, very wrong. It mattered, hurt me deeply. And I release you. I give you to God."
This part of the book was so neat to me. I had never thought of forgiveness this way. I have found myself always waiting until the feeling was right and until I felt like I could truly forgive that person, but this chapter really turned that around for me. Like I said, usually I'm a person that forgives pretty easily, but I just thought this was really cool to read and hopefully it can help any of you who are reading this blog =)
God bless you all and enjoy the beautiful weather God has given us!!! <3
"Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her in so she cannot find her way. She will chase after her lovers, but not catch them; she will look for them, but not find them." Hosea 2:6-7
You're probably wondering why in the world I put this verse up as being inspiring. Well I have found this verse so incredibly true these past couple years. I have learned that life is NOT easy ever since my junior year. Sometimes I would ask why, but this verse explains it all. Sometimes, the things that make me happy block me from being close to God. I found another section of the book that explains it better....
"And so you will see the gentle, firm hand of God in a woman's life hemming her in. He'll make what once was a great job miserable, if it was in her career that she found shelter. He'll bring hardship into her marriage, even to the breaking point, if it was in marriage she sought her salvation. Wherever it is we have sought life apart from Him, He disrupts our plans, our "way of life" which is not life at all."
Again, this may sound harsh again, but we need to be focused on God and put Him in the middle of everything. I have found this extremely hard to do, but it's all a learning process for me. I slowly am getting better and it will be a life-long journey for me. I truly want God to be first in everything I do...any relationships, friendships, school work, jobs, family...everything. It's so hard for me to do that, but like I said, it's a learning process and God has been showing me that. I can be thankful for these hardships because I learn so much about myself and what God wants for me.
Here's another long part of a chapter I found super interesting. It's about forgiveness. I don't necessarily struggle with forgiving people very much, but I know a lot of people do struggle with that, so I thought I would post it so it could help someone else =)
"Forgiveness is a choice. It is not a feeling--don't try and feel forgiving. It is an act of the will. "Don't wait to forgive until you feel like forgiving," writes Neil Anderson. "You will never get there. Feelings take time to heal after the choice to forgive is made." We allow God to bring the hurt up from our past, for "if your forgiveness doesn't visit the emotional core of your life, it will be incomplete," said Anderson. We acknowledge that it hurt, that it mattered, and we choose to extend forgiveness to our fathers, our mothers, those who hurt us. This is not saying, "It didn't really matter"; it is not saying, "I probably deserved part of it anyway." Forgiveness says, "It was wrong, very wrong. It mattered, hurt me deeply. And I release you. I give you to God."
This part of the book was so neat to me. I had never thought of forgiveness this way. I have found myself always waiting until the feeling was right and until I felt like I could truly forgive that person, but this chapter really turned that around for me. Like I said, usually I'm a person that forgives pretty easily, but I just thought this was really cool to read and hopefully it can help any of you who are reading this blog =)
God bless you all and enjoy the beautiful weather God has given us!!! <3
Friday, May 13, 2011
Strong Enough
So I heard a Matthew West song today called Strong Enough and the lyrics really hit me...
You must
You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through
Well, forgive me
Forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own
I know I'm not strong enough to be
everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
For the both of us
Well, maybe
Maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up
Cause when I'm finally
Finally at rock bottom
Well, that's when I start looking up
And reaching out
I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
Cause I'm broken
Down to nothing
But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God
and you are strong
When I am weak
I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
Oh, yeah
I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
Strong enough
I don't know why this song stuck out so much, but I really liked the lyrics a lot. It reminded me that it's okay if I'm not strong all the time. God wants us to lean on Him for EVERYTHING. We were not put on this earth to have an easy life all the time...God gives us trials, but they make us STRONGER. Trials allow us to rest in His presence and trust in Him with all our being. I am learning to be thankful for trials because they are making me a stronger woman of God.
You must
You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through
Well, forgive me
Forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own
I know I'm not strong enough to be
everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
For the both of us
Well, maybe
Maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up
Cause when I'm finally
Finally at rock bottom
Well, that's when I start looking up
And reaching out
I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
Cause I'm broken
Down to nothing
But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God
and you are strong
When I am weak
I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
Oh, yeah
I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
Strong enough
I don't know why this song stuck out so much, but I really liked the lyrics a lot. It reminded me that it's okay if I'm not strong all the time. God wants us to lean on Him for EVERYTHING. We were not put on this earth to have an easy life all the time...God gives us trials, but they make us STRONGER. Trials allow us to rest in His presence and trust in Him with all our being. I am learning to be thankful for trials because they are making me a stronger woman of God.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
As sophomore year comes to a close...
It is crazy how fast this year has gone. I really do think that college years go by twice as quickly as high school years did...and those went by fast. It's hard for me to even remember what has gone on this year, but I know it has been one of the best years God has blessed me with =) It's been tough in places, but I have been continuing to learn more and more about God's never-ending love. That has been the main theme for me over this last school year...God has been showing me how much He loves me and will never leave me. Of course, I knew this before, but just that word "love" has really hit me. God loves me for who I am, not for who others want me to be. God loves me for my faults, mistakes, and failures, when others may judge those things. God loves my crazy quirks, when others may think of me as a tad strange ;) God loves me FOREVER, when earthly things may not last forever.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
I have learned to love this verse. I strive to love people in this way, so I can show others God's true love. I love the last part of this the most: "Love never fails." I am just so thankful for God's love...so incredibly thankful. It is just so big and so amazing that I can't even fathom it. God shows me His love through songs, other people, and nature most of all. His creation is just so beautiful! If I could just sit outside and look up at the stars for the entire night, I would be satisfied =) It makes me so happy. God made all of this for us to enjoy. Just so amazing.
This year has been a growing experience for me and I just want to thank EVERY single person that has been involved in my life this year =) I have learned so much from all of you and you all mean so much to me. You have been by my side through the tears, the laughter, the joy, and the pain. I'm so glad that I have gotten to know the freshman this year, as well. I feel so blessed to have them all in my life; they are all amazing and my life would not be the same without all of you =) I am also so glad that I've continued to strengthen my relationships with everyone that I knew before this year. Just the faith that you have shown me makes me want to be a better person, so thank-you! I have done so many amazing things this year, as I look back:
Overall, this year has been so amazing and I am so thankful that I got to have all of these experiences! I am going to miss all of you guys this summer and hope to make many more memories with you all next year =)
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
I have learned to love this verse. I strive to love people in this way, so I can show others God's true love. I love the last part of this the most: "Love never fails." I am just so thankful for God's love...so incredibly thankful. It is just so big and so amazing that I can't even fathom it. God shows me His love through songs, other people, and nature most of all. His creation is just so beautiful! If I could just sit outside and look up at the stars for the entire night, I would be satisfied =) It makes me so happy. God made all of this for us to enjoy. Just so amazing.
This year has been a growing experience for me and I just want to thank EVERY single person that has been involved in my life this year =) I have learned so much from all of you and you all mean so much to me. You have been by my side through the tears, the laughter, the joy, and the pain. I'm so glad that I have gotten to know the freshman this year, as well. I feel so blessed to have them all in my life; they are all amazing and my life would not be the same without all of you =) I am also so glad that I've continued to strengthen my relationships with everyone that I knew before this year. Just the faith that you have shown me makes me want to be a better person, so thank-you! I have done so many amazing things this year, as I look back:
- Went to Fall Conference and went zip-lining =)
- Went to two amazing swing dances in the chapel and danced the night away
- Managed to set off TWO fire alarms...both involved heating up olive/vegetable oil lol
- Played sardines in the EPC building and got scared half to death from people jumping out of closets
- Played live mafia...and definitely lost hardcore
- Finally decided on a major! Whoo!
- Went to New Orleans and had my eyes opened up to so many new things
- Had the first ever snow day in more than 30 years!
- Dutch-danced!
- Finally got to help actually pond someone =)
- Was a bearded lady...haha
- Went boating with amazing friends and got pelted with hail on the boat ride back!
- Went to an Under Da Sea party and swam down a hallway lol
- Went on tour for steel drums and absolutely loved it!
- Got my face painted with very dark foundation...scary
- Played lots of Mario Kart
- AND SO MUCH MORE!
Overall, this year has been so amazing and I am so thankful that I got to have all of these experiences! I am going to miss all of you guys this summer and hope to make many more memories with you all next year =)
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