God is my strength...

As it nears the two year anniversary of my dad passing away, it seems like it's getting harder each day. Next Thursday, the 21st will be the day. It's so weird to think that I haven't seen my own father in almost 2 years. That's a long time, but yet it's gone so fast. I can still see his smile and hear his laugh. It's so hard not being able to join my friends to talk about stories of what they've done with their dads and how they just saw their dads this past weekend, etc. Since not everyone knows, it's really difficult for me to talk about my dad because they assume that I still have my dad around. I think I have at least one person each week ask me what's in my locket and I show them all each time =) It's my dad's picture...this locket is so special to me. My friends gave it to me after my dad's funeral and it is probably the most thoughtful gift I've ever received. I wear it everywhere and it means so much to me. But ya, lately it's just been really difficult because people are always asking stuff like, "Are your parents coming?" And stuff like that...I don't know how to respond, so I do the normal, "Oh my mom..." so on and so forth. It sucks to say the least. I know that my dad is in a better place and I wouldn't trade that for him still being sick here on Earth, but it's still really difficult. I just really miss him and being home just isn't the same as it was when he was here. The noise of guitar and singing no longer fills the house each day. We no longer watch the Hawkeye games each Saturday and hear my dad cheering on Iowa. It's just not the same. Well this post is very depressing sounding. I guess the point of this is that I know that this week, God HAS to be the source of my strength. While I was in Haiti, I read in the Bible a verse that said something about God being our only source of strength. That really hit home for me because that day in Haiti, I was struggling, so I definitely need to remember that this week. I also need to learn to be vulnerable this week and go to people for support if I need it.

As I said before, this post is kind of depressing, but it's more of a reminder to me that I need to go to God...He loves me more than anything and He wants me to lean on Him for strength and peace this week. We all need to do this...He is just waiting for us to go to Him and cry to Him. We need Him more than we even realize.

The Seven Deadly Sins: Envy

At Third Reformed Church, we've been learning about the seven deadly sins and yesterday we learned about envy. This sermon, I felt, was speaking directly to me and made complete sense. It talked about how these sins are like cancers in your body. They can literally eat you up inside and ruin relationships. I realized that envy has definitely been tearing me apart over the years and it has affected how I think of other people. For example, if I like a guy and I see him talking to another girl or flirting with her, I get extremely jealous because I wish he would talk to me instead. Yes, I know this sounds ridiculous, but that's what happens. Also when I see a really pretty girl, I get jealous because I wish I looked like that. Those are just a few examples, and I'm sure all girls go through this all the time, but I definitely realized that it has gotten worse for me over the past couple years. Yesterday, at church there was a quote that the pastor put up and it said something about how when we are envious of other people, it's like we are saying to God that His plan is not good enough for us and that we deserve a different plan...a plan like the person you're jealous of. How crazy does that sound?! That might've sounded confusing, but for example, it's saying that if the guy you like likes a different girl, than you're saying to God that you want that girl's plan rather than the plan that God has for you. Hopefully that made a little bit more sense. Also, when you're jealous of another girl for her looks or social skills, it's like telling God that the way He made you, His unique creation, is not good enough for you and you wish you could be different. That's the thing, God made you in His own unique beautiful way!! We shouldn't wish to be like someone else or to have their life because that's NOT God's plan! God's plan for you is so much better for you and just because it's not how YOU want it, does NOT mean that God's messing up and has forgotten about what you need. He knows your every want and need and has not forgotten about your plan.

Well that sounded completely jumbled, but hopefully it makes some sense =) Just remember God made you YOU and not someone else. He has His own individual plan for your life and no one else's plan is right for you =)

Philippians 4:6-7

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."~Philippians 4:6-7

This has been my theme verse for the past couple weeks. I have seen it everywhere!! Four different places to be exact...first I decided to put it as my facebook status after getting an email with this verse at the bottom, then 2 other people put it as theirs', and then my roommate brought this exact verse back from the Calm last Sunday after picking it because she thought it applied to her. CRAZY! I can only guess that possibly God is trying to tell me something by showing me this verse so many times in such a short amount of time =) I have been thinking a lot lately about focusing just on God and to stop focusing so much on my so-called "guy problems", even though I don't even have a "guy". (Ha). But ya, the whole guy stress is just getting old and I finally have realized that I need to focus on God fully and know that He needs to be my first love. His love is all I need. I do not need a guy's attention to complete me...all I need is God's attention and love. He is my pursuer. It's taking me a little bit to fully realize this, but I'm taking baby steps.

I really love this verse because it shows us that no matter how big or small our problems are, God will always always listen to us. He doesn't think that what we pray for is "too small" or "not important enough" for his attention. He has put these struggles in our lives for us to turn to Him...He wants us to rely and trust on Him for everything. Also when it says, "And the peace of God....," I LOVE this. Just thinking about having peace from God is amazing. As a college student, I am constantly doing something...non-stop busy, busy, busy. It's like I can never slow down to even think sometimes. So this word, peace, really appeals to me. When it talks about transcending all understanding, this just shows how HUGE God is and how powerful He is. We cannot even fathom the awesome plans that He has up His sleeve...His plans are so much better than what we could ever dream of. That's another thing I have issues with: letting go of what I think I want for my future and letting God take control. Obviously my plans haven't worked out so far...He is planning something so much larger =)

Well this has been my mindset for the past week or so. I need to "let go and let God". If you're reading this, pray that I can learn to trust God more fully and not to worry about my future. Thanks all =)

Sarah

A new school year!

Well, I was waiting to write a new blog until after I got all my thank-you notes out, so they could easily find my blog about Haiti, but as usual, I've procrastinated and have not gotten them done =) Hmm...I don't even know where to start. School is going pretty good so far...a ton better than last semester, thank goodness. I have met a lot of cool freshman and have began to strengthen my relationships with my friends from last year. Well I decided the easiest way to write down what I've done so far this year was to look through my college album on facebook and I will explain my adventures through pictures =)

One half of the room

Other half of the room

So this is me at the Tenth Avenue North concert which was FREE! Me and some cool Central girls decided to drive like 3 hours to this cute little town and watch this band, which was amazing by the way =) The band members are really awesome people and their music is very powerful. The next picture is of the entire group getting coffee at a gas station...

And this next picture shows me and Chelsea in front of a boys' bathroom...that we DID use...in a gas station lol.

Then a couple weekends after that, I hung out with Miss Bailey when I went home and we decided that we wanted to play with pool inflatables and take weird pictures...this one's pretty normal as you can see...

This next one is now, however lol...

Then that same weekend, which was Labor Day, we did not have classes, so me, Allison, Josh, Jeff, and Kris decided to go boating! I had wanted to go boating for years, so I had a blast! This is me in the tube about dying...I was getting thrown around pretty good in that very large tube, but it was a lot of fun =)

Then the weekend after that, me and some of my friends had a fun party. The theme was "Under the Sea" from The Little Mermaid. It was probably the best party I've been to...no joke =) We played pin the tentacle on the guppy, made a craft: jellyfish, ate ocean snacks, watched The Little Mermaid, and had a race down the hallway...while "swimming". Amazingly fun party! This is a picture of the whole group, with our two hostesses, Kelsey and Jamie, in the front =)

Then this past weekend, I went to Fall Conference. It's a Christian retreat in Boone at the Y-camp. It was a lot of fun, even though it rained the entire weekend and it was super cold (we slept outside, by the way, which was EXTRA cold). Our Central group had an amazing time together. No doubt about that! We played some Ninja...David has good balance as you can see from the picture.

Kevin, Jeff, Justin, Allison, and I tried out the zip-lining. First time thing and I'm so glad I did it!

This is me on my way down...I was a tad frightened :S

These next two pictures are of the entire Central group that went...I love them all to death and are amazing people. So much fun to hang out with and I could not have asked for a better group of people...

One of the really touching experiences I had at Fall Conference happened during the last night we were there. One of the girls there had an asthma attack and me and a few other people were with her and tried to comfort her and get her to calm down and take deep breaths. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to watch in my life...watching her and knowing that there was really nothing I could do to help her. So all we did was pray and pray and pray....I learned how powerful prayer is because eventually she began to calm down and breathe more deeply and slower. The other neat thing I saw was how God's gifts were used that night. For example, David began using his healing power to pray for Jen, Allison & Jacqui used their gifts of comfort to be with Jen, me and Amber used our "running" skills to go places, and Rich used his skill to get her to calm down and breathe deeper. It was amazing to see God working through each and every person there. We are the body of Christ. Without one single part missing, the body is not functional, so it was really neat to see the body of Christ all working together. She is fine now, thank-you Lord, and all is well =)

Anyway, that was quite the mouthful right there...but I guess that's what I get for not writing for a couple months. I learned my lesson. But ya! Well I've spent way too much time procrastinating here so maybe I should do something productive? Hmm...we'll see what happens lol. Homework...psh. It'll get done eventually =) But ya! Toodles 

My Haiti Experience...

Wow, first of all, I have not written a blog in a very long time! I have just returned from my two-week mission trip in Haiti less than a week ago and have had a lot to think about lately. I didn't know at the time how much I had learned from being in Haiti until after I had gotten back. I realized that going to Haiti was one of the best experiences of my life so far. I am so thankful that God presented the opportunity to me to go to Haiti with fellow Central students.

To start off, Haiti was FULL of crazy wild adventures that I will never ever forget. The first day we arrived in Haiti, we had to ride in this big white van for 5 hours, while it was pouring down rain and there were huge potholes everywhere. One of the biggest adventures that sticks out to me about that day was that we all decided to stop in this town called Hinch (I think that's what it's called) because Allison had to go to the bathroom extremely bad...she had been holding it for 4 hours! So four girls and two boys plus our driver person decided we needed to go, so we start following this one guy. He leads us through a scary alley way (remember this is when it's pitch black outside...at night...in Haiti) and shined his flashlight on this one door. So we're thinking oh we go to the bathroom here?? Right? No...wrong. We all squat down and pee just right there....this is Allison's first experience peeing on the ground outside. It was hilarious. Also note that before we went to the bathroom, we walked past random coffins. Can you say creepy?? Lol. Also on the ride up, Kristin had thrown up three times in her mouth. We both were not feeling very well at ALL! So yes, that was our first day in Haiti...sliding on mud roads, almost dying, and almost getting sick....all in one little 5 hour drive up in the mountains.

Another memory that sticks out to me was at a 4:30 a.m. service. At first I was not very happy that I had to wake up at 4 in the morning because...well it's 4 in the morning and I'm not a morning person at all. So we got there and first, the leader person gets up and tells us how thankful he is for the cement floor that we had poured for him the previous day. He was SO extremely gracious for it and it really opened up my eyes to how much little things mean to the Haitians. He had spent his whole life sleeping on dirt floors and by using just a couple hours of our time, we were able to change his whole living experience. That cement floor was huge to him and his family and while we were doing it, I never thought about it as being that big of a deal. It was one cement floor...we have tons of those in America, but he was SO thankful for it. That was so neat to hear. Also Adam and I got the opportunity to share our testimonies in front of the other Haitians and our team. That was a very humbling experience for me. I've shared my testimony before, but sharing it with them was amazing. Both of our testimonies were translated because they only speak Creole, so the fact that they were crying along with me and praying for me meant so much to me. Even though we live in completely different countries and speak completely different languages, that did not matter that day. I had gone through tough times in my life and so have they, but God helped ALL of us get through those hard times in our lives. The same exact God. I was so nervous to share my testimony, but am thankful that I did, because God gave me the strength to keep speaking even when it got to the really hard parts. I think they really connected with me and that was one of the neatest experiences I've had. Plus I got to see the sunrise, which I have not seen in years...literally ;)

God's beauty was around us everywhere in Haiti. Now, I've always loved nature and everyone who knows me, knows that I'm a nature freak. I love trees, clouds, leaves...everything. We were surrounded by mountains the entire time we were there. It was so gorgeous. Also the moon shone so brightly there every night. I remember one night we all looked up and saw the craziest clouds ever. The moon was there and there was a wall of clouds around it...the clouds were not moving whatsoever. Completely still. It was so awesome looking! Also, every time it rained, I absolutely loved it. It didn't just rain, though, it poured hard-core. I loved it and looked forward to it. Also the last night we were there, most of my team and I decided to stargaze out on the basketball court. The stars were so bright and were beautiful. That was definitely the best night there. We had so much fun together that night and took a lot of crazy pictures...Here's one of them below...

The kids there had a huge impact on me. On this trip, I realized that people are more important than projects, which is our motto for all other mission trips at Central. I decided to put aside the fact that we spoke a different language and just play with the kids! They didn't care whether or not you could actually converse with them...all they wanted was to hold your hand or play a hand-clapping game with you. They just wanted you to be there...beside them. Kids down there are so different from kids in America. In America, you have to try your hardest just to entertain them by buying them materialistic things, but in Haiti, the kids are amazed by one single balloon or one little bracelet. A soccer ball or frisbee there would be like a PS3 here. All you had to do was hold the little kid and they would be completely content. They were so precious. I got to hold a little girl at the second bible school we had and I wanted to take her home. She was an orphan because her parents had died in the earthquake...she was in the house along with them, but had survived. Here's a picture of her...

We just had a lot of awesome experiences in Haiti and I'm writing a blog for this because, for me, it's difficult to put everything into words. It's easier just to write them out for me. We did so many crazy things...we got stuck in a huge mud hole on a bus like this picture...

 

....which had a sign in the bus like this...

We got to ride on this with goats...yes, goats...

...to give away to families who needed them...

We got to hike up a Haitian mountain through grass that was as tall as your head...

...which led to a bat cave...

...and on the way down the 3 mile hike...6 miles total, we had to go through a mini river with friends that we'd made from the Orange City team...

...and were very tired at the end of our trek, but still had some strength left for a picture...

...we got to do a few clothing drives for the people of Haiti...

...and God even gave us the opportunity to give beans, rice, and oil to families in need...in which we carried on our heads =)...

...we got to ride on the back of pick-up trucks...

...and see tarantulas...

...God gave us the joy of playing games with children at VBS...

...and have lots and lots of dance parties...

These are a few highlights of my trip and what God gave us the opportunities to do. God IS working in Haiti...there is no doubt about that. When we first think of Haiti, we think of pain, poverty, and destruction. What we should be thinking is joy, love, and the fact that God's working there. We heard testimonies from previous witch doctors who had practiced Voodoo who had given their lives to the Lord. That, right there, shows how powerful God's grace is. Haiti has taught me how blessed we are here in America, and also what we can definitely improve here. It has been quite the struggle coming back to the states for me. It is culture shock. In Haiti, I never had to worry about my stresses here in America. I never thought about them at all, but once I came back, all of them came rushing back to me. I am no longer surrounded by people who love everyone and are kind to everyone and accept everyone. Instead, I'm surrounded by gossip, judgment, and cruelty. Why is it that we feel the need to put others down just to bring ourselves up? My eyes have been opened up so much by going to Haiti that it just is sickening to me how mean we are to other people...not only to their faces, but behind their backs. Friendship means loyalty, honesty, acceptance, and forgiveness...not gossiping, self-centeredness, jealousy, and hurt. When I look at some of my friendships here, that's what I see and it makes me want to cry. I almost cried the other night from realizing that that's what most of my friendships consist of. 

Also, now, I'm surrounded by everyone wanting everything. This includes materialistic things and relationships and everything. We're always wanting, wanting, wanting...we don't need these things! They don't make us happy! I spent two weeks in Haiti and left almost everything there and I was filled with happiness! Materialistic things mean nothing compared to the glory of God. None of these things will matter once we're in Heaven and meet Jesus face to face. I feel so selfish wanting more and more, but it's very hard to get away from that mind-set. 

Overall, this trip has taught me so much and has made me a better person because of it. I've had a lot of time just to think about everything I've learned and it's been really difficult, but good. I'm still in the processing mode, and it will be hard for days/weeks, but I think this is necessary for me to grow in my faith. I wish everyone could experience what I've experienced. I just hope I am able to bring back what I've learned into my friendships or relationships in general. 

I wanna say thank you to all of you who have supported me in this trip both financially and spiritually. It means so much and I cannot express how thankful I really am. It means the world to me...it really does. Well, enough of me writing a book....orevwa! (I think that means good-bye in Creole haha).

Freshman year coming to a close...

Well I can almost officially say that I have survived my freshman year of college! I am approximately 24 hours from being out of this place. I have been saying that I am more than ready for summer, which I so am, but last night as I was lying wide awake in my bed, I realized that it really is almost over! It's such a weird thing to think about. I have been around these same people for around 8-9 months of my year and all the sudden, I will not see a lot of them for 3 months. It's just a crazy thought...I didn't realize how important these people are to me until now. They're pretty much like my family. I see them everyday, I eat with them every meal, and I see several of them just on the way to class each day. I used to think that I really wasn't that close to some of them, but now I realize that I'm going to miss each of them a lot. I even teared up the other night at the Calm when I realized the seniors are leaving...forever....very soon. Even though I didn't make really deep relationships with them, they still had a huge impact on my life! They are such amazing, strong Christians and they have shown me what having a faith is all about. I can only hope that I can be that deep in my faith once I hit my senior year. I wonder sometimes if they have had the same troubles and doubts as me. They seem so strong now, but I bet they went through a lot of the same stuff that I went through this year as a freshman.

As I look around my room, which is getting more and more empty, I realize I am going to miss this place. Don't get me wrong, I am so ready to go back home for awhile, but it's just so weird seeing our room as bare and empty, instead of homey like it was just yesterday. I'm gonna miss my roomie especially =( She is pretty much amazing and we're like sisters....exactly alike lol. Man...craziness. Well I suppose I should go write some annotated bibliographies. Sounds fun...NOT! Toodles!

Also here are some fun pictures of me and my roommate's experiences during finals week!

Me and Allison had a dance party in the hallway dancing to 90's music

Oh dear...lol

Dancing to 90's music once again

Lovely

I fell...lol

My fancy to-do list...

So...my freshman year of college is finally coming to a close. I mean, it's been great and I have learned a ton, but I am MORE than ready to get out of this place. I need summer, bad. I surprisingly haven't been stressing out about all the stuff I need to get done, but it does get annoying knowing that I do have a ton of stuff to do before I leave this place. I have been realizing more and more each day that my time spent here is NOT about my handy dandy to-do list...it's about the experience and the joy that I feel when I'm around the people I love. You may say that college is all about school since we're not paying bucketloads of money to have fun, but I say a lot of it is about the experience. I don't want to spend 4 years of my life freaking out about the next deadline. That'd be a waste of my life. I need happiness. I need those little things in my life to perk me back up again. That's why I have decided to be joyful during these last 11 days of college. God brought me here for a reason and reason was not to be stressed out and making sure I have everything checked off...he brought me here for a good education and most importantly, the people that are here. I'm going to bring up another quote from the book Crazy Love because it's so true about stress:

"Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace towards others, and our tight grip of control."

This is completely true! When I'm stressed, I become impatient with people and start lashing out, so this time, I am trying to be a happier, more joyful person and I thank God that He has given me joy this past week =) I definitely am not myself when I am stressed and I hate that! I know everything will get done eventually, so really...why worry about it? Worrying and complaining about everything just takes more time out of your schedule when you could be doing that thing. Plus it makes you all crazy and grumpy and who wants to be those things? Not me...which is why I'm trying my hardest just to enjoy being here. I honestly don't know how I am not stressing out right now...it's all God, I know that for a fact. I am just looking towards the prize, which is summer! No stress, hanging out with my friends every night, and relaxation. I can do this. I got it.

I also read one of my friend's blogs about people pleasing and I thought I should definitely write about this because it applies to my life a lot lately. I have had trouble balancing time between my home friends and my college friends a lot this semester. I have found myself trapped in the middle of a "friend-war" that I can't get myself out of. The only way I know how to get out of it is to just start over next semester. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. I can't please everyone. I wish I could please everyone, but it's not going to happen. I have spent way too much of my life trying to make everyone else happy, that it's wearing me thin. I just want to not try so hard anymore. That's totally not in my nature though. I freak out when people are mad at me and I tend to hold grudges a lot. I have gotten better at the grudges thing, but I still freak out. So yes, I have come to the conclusion that I can't do it all...I'm not Superwoman. I'm not perfect...I will try my hardest, but that's all I can do. I am not writing this to bash anyone...I am writing this for me. I have come to these realizations. So to anyone that I have frustrated about this situation or made mad, I am more than sorry. I apologize, but this is me. I can't do everything right, but I promise to try my hardest. Just bare with me...please. I don't want to stress out over people-pleasing anymore. I really don't. I just want to be me. Thank you...I love you all. (and remember this is not to bash anyone!!!) I'm dead serious....like I just died right there. Wow, that was lame, but hey, that's ok ;)

Well those are my cool thoughts for the day =) Toodles all!

My Testimony

Here is my testimony  =)

Okay, so I always grew up in a Christian home with a Christian family. We always went to church, no matter what and were all very involved. I was always the goody-goody type and barely every did anything wrong. Then when I was in second grade, I was at my great-grandma's funeral and my cousins and I had been running back and forth from the cemetary, back to the church, and so on. Well, while at the cemetary, we had seen a gardener snake and freaked out and decided to all run across the road back to the church. My 10 year old cousin, Jessalyn, didn't make it back. She got hit by a car on the way over...this car was going 55 mph at least. I remember, as an 8-year-old, seeing this. It's pretty much burned in my brain. Seeing my own cousin get hit by a car...flips and everything. The littlest details like her shoe flying off and the flower she had been holding was now pressed against the road. For goodness sakes, I was 8! That's so young now that I think about it. It didn't phase me a ton at the time; I didn't even cry. But that night, after hearing that she had passed away, I cried and cried to my Mom. That night I accepted God into my heart. 

After that, I just kinda kept living the way I was living...which was still a goody-goody who went to bible schools and youth groups. I loved God, but I don't feel like I actually knew Him and leaned on Him. He was just there for me...nothing terribly personal. Then the summer after my sophomore year, during supper, I heard awful news from my parents. My sister and her husband were getting a divorce. This was so devastating to me! I had known my brother-in-law for around 10 years and he was like a brother to me. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I ran outside and rode my bike around my yard for a very long time...just crying. I felt like everything was falling apart. 

Then, during my junior year, around September I believe, I came home to see my mom and my nieces and nephews playing outside. I thought this was strange because I had no idea why they were at my house. Well it turns out they were going to stay at my house for a very long time because of personal reasons. They ended up staying for either almost 2 or 3 months. I can't remember, but i know it was for a very long time. That was difficult having a 2, 3, and 4 year old in the house while also trying to live a normal life. 

Then the end of my junior year, I believe it was in March, my family learned that my dad had bile duct cancer. This was a kind of cancer that was not curable, but yet I still had hope. I couldn't even think about my dad not being there...nothing bad ever happened like that and it wasn't going to happen to me. That was my thought process at the time. Well things kept getting worse and things were not looking good. He had to miss several track meets because he couldn't be around people and when he did come, he'd have to sit in the very corner of the bleachers because he couldn't be around germs of any kind. I tried to keep everything as normal as possible at home and just kept living my normal life. Things continued to get worse. He wasn't able to go to my senior year coronation because he had just gotten back from the hospital. I felt like that's where he always was...the hospital. I remember the first time my sister, Jenny, Jon, and I went in the hospital for the first time. We almost all fainted/threw up. I don't like hospitals after this. But ya, he was so devastated that he couldn't go and so sad that he had to miss out on all of my concerts and my memories of my senior year. Then I was at a church bonfire thing one Sunday night and receive a text from my sister-in-law, Shelly, saying that my dad was in the comfort house because he was in a lot of pain. My heart dropped....I asked her if he was going to be ok and she said yes. They were just helping him with his pain. So I go home and the next day, which was a Monday, my sister Jenny and I go and visit him. We decided to get out of school early and then we'd go back after that. So we get there and meet up with my mom and Krista. We all go into his room together and could not believe what we were seeing. Here was a man in the chair, laying limp, sleeping...this was my dad. He wasn't opening his eyes...all he was doing was breathing very heavily, looking as if he was in pain. We all started bawling. We didn't stop bawling for about an hour. I could not believe how much he had changed in just one day! I could not believe this was actually happening. Me and Jenny decided to head back to school, which was a BAD decision because I cried right when I saw my friends. (sorry this is really long lol). But ya we decided we were going to head back up there after school. I wasn't going to because I had a paper and dance practice, but decided I would bring Jenny up and then leave soon after. So I bring her up and we all decide to go out for supper and Wal-Mart. When we get back, my mom tells us that we don't have very long. My dad was starting to get spots on his skin which is a sign that it's almost time. I bawled instantly. It was so so soon! So...I had to say my last good-bye to my daddy. It was filled with tears and reassurance that everything was going to be fine. He didn't have to worry about us. That was THE hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. EVER. The remainder of the night was filled with happy memories and puzzle-making with my whole family. We didn't focus on the fact that we were in a comfort house, but were reminising about my dad instead and all of the funny and amazing memories we've had together. Finally after a long night of tears, me, Jenny, and Krista decided to head home to sleep and we would be back in the morning. We go home to sleep and were awakened by a phone call around 6:00 am. It was my mom. My dad had passed away. We all sat on my bed crying and holding each other. I couldn't believe my dad was actually gone and that I would never ever see him again. It was the weirdest feeling I've ever had in my life. The rest of the day was spent with family and closest friends. The weird thing is that was one of the happiest days of my life. It was a beautiful sunshine filled day filled with laughter and peace =) My dad was no longer in pain and he was now in Heaven doing what he loved! It was such a relief for us! Our house for the previous 7 months had been filled with sadness and quiet. Now there was joy!! We thanked God for all the blessings that we had! I am so blessed to have such a God-loving family because our family was unlike any other family. Even the person at the funeral home said that. He knew we had Jesus in our hearts =) 

Of course there's been ups and downs for the past year, but I thank God that He has left my family with peace. We have grown closer and have truly been blessed beyond reason. I have learned my community is amazing, my friends are true, and my family is the best family in the world. We can make it through anything. These experiences have only made me stronger. Now yes, I've had minor problems the past year, whether it's boys or friends or stress, but I thank the Lord that He hasn't placed anything huge on our family's life lately. I praise Him so much for that!!! Now I have learned to use my experiences to help others who have lost family members. I have done my best to do that and have had several opportunities to, unfortunately. But helping others is something I'm passionate about. 

This year, I have learned a lot and my faith has strengthened. I have learned that God is always there, He's forgiving, He's loving always, and He is the only thing I truly need in my life =) He knows my future and I am excited for Him to reveal it to me day by day. He is my best friend who listens no matter what. I make mistakes, I'm not perfect. I realize this, but God loves me no matter what =) Now, you may say that I've been through a lot and yes, I have, but I feel like one of the most blessed people in this world =) 

Well if you read this, I'm sorry it was so dang long, but people have always said that you can get to know a person more by hearing their life and testimony. So there ya go...that's me for ya ;)

Wonderful day

So I had another wonderful day today =) The sunshine was out and again, I felt content with my life. I love this new feeling! Me and my two girlies went out to Red Rock this afternoon and just chatted about life =) How we love doing this so very much. It makes me even more excited about the future!!! I can't wait! But this is also making the present better, too...because I need to live in the present, not just the future, even though that's hard sometimes too lol. I am so glad that God has placed such amazing people in my life...seriously. They are all awesome.

Also in my religion class today, we were going through 1 Peter and I found this verse, which I really like a lot!

"And after you suffer for a short time, God, who gives all grace, will make everything right. He will make you strong and support you and keep you from falling. He called you to share in his glory in Christ, a glory that will continue forever" 1 Peter 5:10

I really thought this verse was neat! We all suffer...I know I have had my share of sufferings. But I have definitely learned that God has placed each one of these sufferings in my life for a specific reason. I have grown so much stronger in Him and know that He will never leave my side, no matter what. So I just thought of a cool idea...I'm going to write my testimony on here. But in a different post...it'll be a long one lol.

So Thankful!! =)

So tonight at Monday Night Prayer, we all had to write down a list of what we were thankful for and also a prayer for a friend. As I was writing down what I was thankful for, there was such a long list of things that it was crazy-awesome =) Then we all held hands and prayed in a circle, while saying things we were thankful for. There was so many things that people said! We are so blessed to have the things we do. Like for me, I have AMAZING friends and such a fantastic family. We have so much, but yet are never satisfied with anything. We're always wanting more or wanting something "better" or "cooler". Why can't we see that we're blessed beyond reason already?!

Also, I'm very thankful tonight because for once in this semester, I feel CONTENT and STRESS-FREE!! I am loving it so so so much. I never feel content with my life, so this is new to me! =) I love it. I feel very patient right now and I feel like I know that God has a better plan for me and I am just dying to know what it is, but will be patient until He shows me =) Ya Jesus! Woot!! Also, I love my friends. They are super-fantastic.

Well that was a short one, but let's just say God is awesome and I am so blessed! =)
Nite!

How Wide...How Deep...How Great...is Your love for me

"Where God's love is, there is no fear, because God's perfect love drives out fear. It is punishment that makes a person fear, so love is not made perfect in the person who fears." ~ 1 John 4:18

This verse was one of the main themes that Joe preached at the Calm tonight. I've actually never heard this verse before, so I thought it was pretty cool. The whole time, he preached about how we should not fear about the future...things like a job, home to live in, money, or love. He was speaking mainly to the seniors, but I definitely found that it applied to me as well. As I said in previous posts, I worry about the future ALL the time. Now, I don't really worry about a home to live in or money, but I kind of have been worrying about a job for the summer and have definitely been worrying about "love". Not really love yet, but just boys in general ;) I have been trying my hardest to not worry about situations, and I think I may be getting better...very very slowly, but I tried stopping myself from worrying tonight (thank you Allison for telling me what's up! lol). Allison's good with telling me how it is =) But ya, it's going to take some time for me to not worry so much, but I think if I keep praying about it and putting my trust in God, rather than worldly desires, it CAN happen! Nothing is impossible with God, am I right?! Need to keep remembering this.

Now, back to the verse...Joe was talking about how we need to love God so much that we don't have time to worry or be scared. I realized I am nowhere near this in love with God, but I need to be!! I hate admitting that, but it's definitely true! It's true for all of us! I do love God SO much, don't get me wrong, but I could love Him so much more! Love involves trust...and I'm not there yet fully because I do worry so much. I want to be there though! I really do =) Man, my life would be so much simpler and less stressful if I wouldn't worry about stuff. I wanna go with the flow (which I've said 7 billion times this semester and it never works), but hey, I can always start over and try again! I'm not perfect. It'll take some getting used to =) I'll just have Allison smack me upside the head if I forget....hehe. (Just kidding Allison, don't smack me...but you can tell me what's up lol).

K well that's my schpeal (fun word) for the night. Nighty night y'all

The Simple Things...and other cool things

Yesterday was so amazing!! First I got to ride in an amazing 2010 Orange Camaro with Kaid and Kara. Holy cow, it was sweet!! It is my dream car, so I kind of freaked out a little bit when I got to ride in it =) Then I went to the prom walk-in and got drenched with rain...but the drench'edness (hahaha) did NOT stop there. We decided we were going to go to Nathan's house and go mudding...in the pouring rain. It was SO much fun! We had me, Nathan, Betsy, and Jamie on one four-wheeler and Josh, Kara, and Tasha on the other. We went flying through huge puddles and it was awesome! We were soaked! Then Nathan decided he was going to sit on the front of the four-wheeler while Tasha drove...it was amazing. Wow...one of the best nights in my entire life =)

This is why I say simple things are the best times in my life. The littlest things in my life make the biggest memories. I love the country life doing fun things like this with the people I love. There are so many more memories to be made with my best friends and I cannot wait!

Also, today I went to Federated for church and I thought part of it was really cool because I noticed a lot of different kinds of people went there....not just the "churchy" looking type; there were people who had dyed hair, unique clothing, and all sorts of stuff! I thought that was really neat that the church was so welcoming. I notice that I even judged some people when I walked in, which is not acceptable. We are all God's children and He loves ALL of us, not just the conservative dressed people. I don't know...I just thought that was really neat. I still like going to 3rd better, but this was really cool how they welcomed everyone in and showed them that they don't have to look a certain way to have God's love. He loves everyone, no matter what. As Joe Brummel says, "There is nothing you can do to make God love you more or less." I love this quote. I never thought about this until coming here to Central. I always thought that, for some reason, you have to try to impress God to make Him love you. But that's totally wrong!! God loves us no matter what! It's so hard for me to comprehend His love...it confuses me a lot of times of how He can love us that much. But that's why it's so awesome, too! Woot!

Okay, no off to "less" important things: homework. Yay for me :P Toodles

Before mudding

Drake took an awesome picture of me ;)

After mudding!

It was amazing

What Tomorrow Brings...

So...I am constantly thinking about my future. It excites me really, but I find that I get stuck in the past a lot of times and end up making up fake situations that could "happen" (ya right) in the future. Now, I do this all the time! I was just doing this when I got home from hanging out with friends in Sully tonight. I wish I could just forget the past and move on to new things in life, but I find myself holding on really tightly to things that I want to happen, but probably won't. I think the reason why I hold onto things so much is because I'm secretly hoping that everything I want to happen will somehow magically work out. Why do I spend my time fantasizing about what could happen in the future if God already has it planned out? I ask myself a lot and I really don't have the answer. It's like I can't fully wrap my head around the fact that God has so much more of an awesome future for me than what I have thought up in my head.

Now, I always am thinking about what my future will look like. It usually includes these things:

• Living in the country
• Have an amazing husband who is a strong Christian 
• Have a few kids
• Live the simple life
• Do fun things like four-wheel and just country-type stuff =)
• Be a stay-at-home mom 
• Live in a small, close-knit community, like Sully

Now I think this sounds absolutely amazing. It's crazy how much living around the Sully area has affected me so much these past couple years. I used to want to leave home so badly for college and now that I'm here, I miss Sully so so SO much! I love how everyone knows everyone (besides the gossip lol). I love how safe I feel there and how everyone cares about everyone. I have such a strong community that supports me no matter what I do. I am so thankful that I was brought up going to the school that I went to. I can't imagine how I would be like if I went somewhere else.

But ya, as I said before, it's hard for me to picture such a more amazing future than the future I have planned out for myself. I think I know who I want to be married to and where I want to live, but God has the floor here, not me. Heck, He probably is going to blow me out of the water with the guy he chooses for me to marry =) And how very much EXCITED and CURIOUS I am for that day when I finally get to meet him!! Or who knows, maybe I already know him or have known him for awhile. Who knows...God has some pretty cool tricks up His sleeve, I bet ;) Just need to remember my favorite verse...Jeremiah 29:11.

What a Super Night =)

Okay, so I realize this is my fourth post of the day...but hey, that's totally fine with me =) Tonight was so much fun! First of all, one of my friends got baptized in the fountain outside of the library tonight. So incredibly amazing to watch. I could totally tell how in love with Jesus she was. Then me and Allison got a sweet room for next year! We have been very hyper since then lol ;) Then we got to make a time capsule with our floor...each one for ourselves. Then we put whatever we want in it and get to open it on our graduation day. Mine is pretty sweet. Then we danced to Michael Jackson in the hallway. We pretty much rocked out hardcore!

This night pretty much made me realize how awesome the people here at Central are and how lucky I am to be here. Sometimes I take this place for granted because I'm either homesick, frustrated with the fact I don't know what my major is, or just am sick of Pella, but Central rocks overall =) It's hard to remember that sometimes, but nights like these make me know that I am here for a reason. Even when I'm sick and tired of doing homework and waking up "early" for classes, I still love it here! I am ready for summer, of course, but will definitely miss my friends here. It's just time for a change...to not be the freshman anymore, but sophomores! I can't wait for the freshman to come next year! I am hoping I can get to know a lot of them and make a lot of new friendships =)

I have learned to be thankful for the little things in my life this year. Just the simple things like nice weather and the change of the season. I am so thankful that God has given me this opportunity to be here and explore who I am as a person. Whenever I think I want to drop out of college (which is often lol), I just need to remember why I'm here and remember all the amazing nights, like tonight, that I've had while being here.

Woot! Okay...that's the absolute last post for today. I'm already addicted to blogging...is that a bad thing? Lol. Nahhhhhh. K night!

Summer Bucket List...

My friends, Tasha and Kara, and I have decided to make a bucket list for this summer. I might add some things ;)

• Fly a kite
• Have a picnic...with a red and white checkered blanket and old-fashioned picnic basket =)
• Go mudding
• Go tenting
• Sleep under the stars

...to be continued

The famous bucket list =)

Okay, my friend, Tasha, did one of these on her profile, so I'm going to be a copy-cat =) I will be continuing to add things to this list.

• Go to Switzerland
• Go to the ocean
• Go bungee jumping
• Go sky-diving
• Get married
• Have a family
• Shoot a gun
• Learn how to play guitar
• Have my very own garden

Troubles produce patience....

"We also have joy with our troubles, because we know that these troubles produce patience. And patience produces character, and character produces hope. And this hope will never disappoint us, because God has poured out his love to fill our hearts" ~ Romans 5:3-5

Now, I've have always had a hard time with the word "patience". It's such a small word, but yet such a complex idea. Even when I was younger, I always liked having my way and having it now. I was the girl who would fight with her family over whether "Oglaina" was a name in Scattegories. If only I could go back to those days when that was the most tragic part of my day...losing a point in Scattegories! I'm finishing up my freshman year in college and I have never had so much stress in my life until this year. I worry about the littlest things and it feels as if nothing ever goes my way. I came upon this verse in Romans today and it applies with my life so much! I always feel like I have to have everything figured out all the time, when really I can just give all my cares and worries to God. It's so hard for me not to know what my future looks like or who I'm going to marry or what my major will be. I have been slowly realizing that I need to just give all my worries to God and trust that He has an amazing future for me...better than anything I can ever imagine.

I have had several troubles in my life the past couple years, whether it's losing a loved one or just the normal boy troubles and confusion. God has never left my side. I read a section in the book "Crazy Love" last semester and it said this: "Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives." When I read that, I knew it was talking straight to me. I've kept this quote on my desk everyday and look at it often. I am one of the biggest worriers EVER and this helps me a lot. God already knows my future, so why worry?! Worrying gets nothing accomplished and it stresses us out, so why do we all feel the need to keep worrying all the time?! It just sounds ridiculous if you think about it.

Over these next few weeks of the end of the semester, my goal will be to STOP WORRYING and let God handle everything. I'm going to let him handle my many boy problems, friend worries, school stress, and loneliness. We're all a broken people...but you know what, that's OKAY! No one is perfect. As my friend, Kris, says to me, "You're broken". It's okay to lose it sometimes. It's okay to show emotion. God is bigger than any of my problems, so he can handle it ;)

Well I feel like that blog was all over the place, but hey, that's okay ;)