As it nears the two year anniversary of my dad passing away, it seems like it's getting harder each day. Next Thursday, the 21st will be the day. It's so weird to think that I haven't seen my own father in almost 2 years. That's a long time, but yet it's gone so fast. I can still see his smile and hear his laugh. It's so hard not being able to join my friends to talk about stories of what they've done with their dads and how they just saw their dads this past weekend, etc. Since not everyone knows, it's really difficult for me to talk about my dad because they assume that I still have my dad around. I think I have at least one person each week ask me what's in my locket and I show them all each time =) It's my dad's picture...this locket is so special to me. My friends gave it to me after my dad's funeral and it is probably the most thoughtful gift I've ever received. I wear it everywhere and it means so much to me. But ya, lately it's just been really difficult because people are always asking stuff like, "Are your parents coming?" And stuff like that...I don't know how to respond, so I do the normal, "Oh my mom..." so on and so forth. It sucks to say the least. I know that my dad is in a better place and I wouldn't trade that for him still being sick here on Earth, but it's still really difficult. I just really miss him and being home just isn't the same as it was when he was here. The noise of guitar and singing no longer fills the house each day. We no longer watch the Hawkeye games each Saturday and hear my dad cheering on Iowa. It's just not the same. Well this post is very depressing sounding. I guess the point of this is that I know that this week, God HAS to be the source of my strength. While I was in Haiti, I read in the Bible a verse that said something about God being our only source of strength. That really hit home for me because that day in Haiti, I was struggling, so I definitely need to remember that this week. I also need to learn to be vulnerable this week and go to people for support if I need it.
As I said before, this post is kind of depressing, but it's more of a reminder to me that I need to go to God...He loves me more than anything and He wants me to lean on Him for strength and peace this week. We all need to do this...He is just waiting for us to go to Him and cry to Him. We need Him more than we even realize.
i love you si-rah.....i think of you all the time just because i don't know how you deal with it each and every day....i honestly don't think i could even write a post like this if i was in your shoes and look up to you so much for finding your strength in God...if you ever need anyone to talk to i'm always just a campus building away! :)
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